knock…knock…where is everybody???

knock…knock….knock…knock…. nobody??

i faced a hard tym now, to many..to many problem bound me….at this tym i need support, i need otherz care, i need thoe who understand and heal me from this pain…a simple word such as "hye its gonna be OK" could be enough for me….its feel like i was alone all over myself nowadayz, i got no one i could count on to share this ups n down life…

but i do understand that people would not alwayz ready for us, they got they own trouble to b fix also, so don’t trouble them more…maybe i was wrong that i was too much depending that otherz would be alwayz at my side, but life would not allow that happen, its is more to survive by our own…i try to learn not to cry anymore, big gurl don’t cry….but of course sometimes we could not stop ourself to cry, let it be, but hide it away from otherz eyes…

at this hard tym, i stated to miss the time that i there alwayz be my frenz at my side to be wif me in such a trouble situation…but wake up lah, things would never b the same as alwayz…many things would change n don’t blame that….i learn not to blame situation….

i remember dulu2, my bestfren(still be in my heart 4ever), pye, she is my talking wall, i put my trouble to her, n she did the same…she heal me, n i did the same when the tym she needed…we keep wrinting letter to share stories even kami jumpa tiap2 hari…coz’ only in letter everytin could be tell, i miss that… but it was dulu2, n could not ask for the same anymore, things change, situation change, each of us got our own life to b settle, got own problem to be handle…yes, b4 this i kept wonder, where is she????  but one day i sat alone in my room n thingking all back i found the answer, "she here, with me all over th passes tym, she is in my heart"….

recently i got a simple fight wif my fren BB-suria, its was funny, its been a long tym don’t got such a fight….she is my soulmate, she always be the person that i trust to kept to many secret in life, she is like diary, i never tell her b4, but for whole this tym i called her "my diary"…coz she know a lot about me..n she like the first i will sms to tell the day story… but after the simple fight that i had wif her, i realize that my diary might be full already…i was too much trouble her wif my non stop problem, so now i learn to minimize reporting my daily life to her, she also got life to face on, she also got problem to handle… so my fren, here i want to have ur appologize…sorry ya…

ermmm dya-my b’loved long distance fren, missing u all this while…maybe i less sharing my stories to u, but u know i alwayz be the person that want to know n hear ur stories…i dunno y, i like to here ur story, how u fight for life, how u survive from suffer, u always be the stronger one, i adore that. maybe that is b’coz i lee shere u mine coz i dont one to add u more trouble. but u the gurl that suprise me, u’r full of problem n trouble, but u manage u handle ur life well, u stand on ur foot all over the tym…i never mine to hear stories of u, i was glad everytym u decide to tell me u daily life, for me its motivate me…coz i want to be stronger, just like u…i knew how u a weak inside but u never show to the world…i learn that from u…

how i miss all that….really….but i could not stop things to b change.. not everytin’ gonna be the same everytym we need…but of cause it was really down when there were no person should be count on at the tym we needed…

sometym people might suprise us, they will came when we not expect tem to came….such like recently,i face too many problem that killing me, too much trouble bounding me..but i was decide this tym i don’t want to share this problems, let me handle all my myself, recently i was give up, i use to think that nobody would never care to me anymore, i use to believe no  one would understand, but yesterday i was suprised, the person that i never expect would show some care came n heal me a little bit, for a while i don’t believe it could be, i feel like i was dreaming.. before this i always believe that ‘this person’ gonna be the last that want to know anytin’ about me but suddenly yestrday ‘this person’ came n show some care n a little bit it help to heal the pain that bound me .. … i cry n i smile… bitter sweet…

now i learn to b stronger(i hope, i wish)….yeah sometym its hurt when realize nobody at our own side, but its ok, sometyms sesuatu yg terjangka kan terjadi…

we already reaches the end…

I’m sorry, GOODBYE…

I wonder, would you miss me when I’m gone, when I’m not able to be anywhere for you, sharing stories or keeping you secret as I always did. Will you miss me?/

I miss you…I miss the old you, when u be the person that could bring smile in my face, and sharing stories together. I remember u always be the person that I comfortable when hanging together but today, u always be the last person I want to talk to…because u show the same on me, like I’m the last person u want to see…

If one day u realize that I’m running far from u, and u decide to blame me and let all the burden over me, think it back,…!! Don’t ever try pretending not to realize, for all the things that I did is all because of you!! People got their own limit of patient, and it’s always being our responsibilities to make choice…for me, the best choice is leaving u, staying far from u. I felt that u only using me for

ur

own purpose and

ur

agenda, I’m sorry to feel that way, but u, yourself let me be.

I want to stop hoping that the old person of you would came back…because I knew u totally are different person today…and there is no way to return back time. I was also was the new person today, and this new me was created from the pieces of my broken heart, which most of it came from u…

I decide to let go of you, all the memories of you that killing me most of these time. So let me leave, there is no reason to stay anymore, u don’t need me anymore, or maybe u never ever need me…I wish you in my shoes, so u will feel the pain, I wish u understand but u was the person that will never want to understand, that will never willing to care. Maybe u felt comfortable for the BEAUTIFUL LIFE that you got, the people around u that love u, that care for u.., you would never worry to be alone, because u always know the best time to find others for help, for company, and others would always ready for u in anytime and for everything u wish for, and that also was what I’m doing; for all these time-be here for u. but it seem not good enough for you to notice me, or at least showing some appreciations… -don’t u see, for what I did, and the people around u that care for u, that always be in ur side when u got problem, when u needed support, needed help, all that was came honestly…because of our care, n love. But I found that u don’t much appreciate that, u will came n go… that why I said, u too comfortable with ur life, and believing people will always be here n there for u…but please notice dear, things will not always be the same, someday when people realize ur pattern, u will losing their trust, and somehow they will tend to be far from u, like what I’m doing right now…

I do understand you, maybe I was the person that fully understand u, better that anybody else, better than u, yourself… because I was the one who saw u, from a distance that u never notice me… this is because I do care for u for all these year, and because of love…u make me blind, or choose to be blind, I want be the best for u, so u could see me, I want to do anything for u so u stick with me, I want to show u how much I care, so u appreciate me, but… I was such a dreamer… believing that u will turn to be as I wish u could be, it not happens. I should realize that, or I do realize that from beginning but I the one that refuse to believe and choose to be blind.

You are ‘came n go’ person, u may came with ‘everything’ and leaving me ‘nothing’…so, why do u think I still treat u good even for the bad things u did, even when I already capture ur skills. Person in my position should be very anger of whatever u have made to my life, but I never show. I could blame u for the mess you gave, but I never did.

Don’t u afraid for what I could do?? Don’t u see, I am in dangerous position for u, I got 1001 reason/secret that I kept which can destroy ur BEAUTIFUL LIFE in just a second…if it happen, u may lost everything u own; LOVE, TRUST, LIFE!! …but..…I’m not that bad, maybe Not Yet!!

For whole these while, I just hope that u could see the mess that u bring, and feel sorry for that, with honest. Maybe a simple apologize could heal me a little bit. I wait to see u change, to b better good person, to admit your fault, to be regret for

ur

selfishness. But, u are so ego to admit all those, and that disappointed me and I’m really frustrated…each day, it turn me lost my trust on u…

Yet, still I can’t erase u out of my mind, picture of u and those beautiful and damn memories we had together still bounding me, its like the pieces of puzzle that not stick together anymore but scattering in my head, in my mind, inside my heart…

But dear listen up, I promise u one, I will make distance for both of us. Things will never be the same again….we already reaches the end…