INI UTK BB-RIssA my dear SOBAT

Untuk my SOBAT BB_rissa….i want to wish u selamat bertunang 28hb nie…..harap2 semua yg di jadualkan will turn to be a great day ever…i’m happy for u lah…..at da same tym sedih jugak coz ur my best diary ever…and bila ko dah masuk alam2 untuk berkomitment nie i kind of loss beberapa keping empty pages for me to write… i wish taht it will never change…coz i really like this diary..al least it heal me up everytym i feel down….u re the person yg know me better coz i share alot of story to u…including czary story to kept forever..hahahha sdiri mo ingat lah….ko lah pemegang amanah idup aku…. so u mean alot for me lah…so much….

kadang2 aku sampai lupa aku sesakkan idup ko dgn stories aku yg budu2…but all that budu2 stories r true…n i dunno who else to share…ur the best diary, the best keeper….(pek’ dulu tapi nie diary kadang2 pandai gila coz dia pandai open da key to reveal dn bakal tunang dia…adakahhh…..ndak buleh itu…tu lah byk yg aku masih ndak ceta kekekkek takut sdiri lah jo) ….i dunno lah mayb coz dah terbiasa…when i need smtin’ to share i will find u…

so skrg ko pun mo bertunang dah….apa aku rasa?? perasaan yg sama tym syura said da same….i feel like korg dah move another step… when we got that kind of komitment kord dah bound for it…so grew up…ko ndak bleh join2 aku main pasir lagi hahahha…

at da same tym yup i was sad…ya lah…makin kita ader life sdiri..we became jauh lagi…i dunt want that happen…coz this frenship mean so much for me….ari tue ko msg "c indah ada boifren lambat sdah reply"…. hahha aku ketawa….tapi that is the feelin’ aku rasa bila ko mkin serius dgn awg….step by step kita semua makin jauh dgn sibuk dunia…

tapi ndakpa…at least aku happy ngan pilihan ko ini…(ceh kenapa ayat tue begitu…mo muntah)….yalah…at least pilihan kali nie aku pasti kekal ke anak cucu sampai ko meninggal teda di dunia nie(wahhhhh kata2 ku kasar n pedas ndak bertapis…but my point is…ya hanya bila kita2 jak cakap kasar xda bertapis mcm teda2 sama kita kan….ndak tau lah bagi ko..kita mgutuk depan2…teda rasa mo sakit hati-padahal sakit jugak lah-tapi heal sdiri hahahha….no heart break…that y i do like my diary..i can wrote evryin’- xda suma lahh hahaha yg rahsia lain kekal rahsia hahha)

so lepas nie aku pun kena idup sdiri..jangan slalu lagi tulis ‘diary’…aku tau ko pun sasakkk ati dgr ceta budu nie…tapi apapun aku tetap akan meracunni idup ko…hahahhah….

k lah bb…ko mo tunang da jadik jgn mcm budak2 lagi k…jgn manja sgt…musti jadi independent jugak….

list utk ko buat;

1-bangun awal pagi…jangan lagi bangun jam 4 petang…

2.jangan lagi nengok mamat lain

3.jangan manja sgt lagi….musti jadi mcm mama2 sdah hahah

4.jaga ati tunang mcm ko jaga cicin tunang tue ndak ilang (adakahhh??)

5. berusahalah untuk slalu jadi yg terbaik utk dia…

6. aderrrrrrrr byk musti di buat…ko pikir lah sdiri….penat aku list hahahah..

bah…apapun lepas nie..kita mestilah tetap kwn lagi sampai bila….kita kwn sampai bila2…sampai bila? eh soalan pulak : ) ….

all da best…..semoga berbahagia..aku doe utk kebahagian ko…

ini utk BB-my best diary ever….kept the stories wif u forever…

I LOVE MY DIARY

DOA untuk Dyg Syura

this is dedicate to dyg my dear….wif her loved one….

i was so happy to hear bout that ‘pertunangan’…u move another step forward dear…i dunno why i’m sad at this moment, not becoz ko nak tunang tapi it seem i became close to create a distant wif u… ya lah like u gonna have ur own beautiful life wif ur beloved…but i was more happy then to know that there were ‘a life’ waiting for u n that is what fren do rite, to wish her fren for the best of life…

this new suddendly wake me up n think, ya we geting older already… now u  dah tak bleh nak main2 lagi…(bleh jadi mama budak sudah lepas nie….hahah)…. i imagine u that way already, wif ur kids n family…must be great….

do u see how life make u dear? do u remmember the tears u have in the passes? all became washed away at this point rite… ini semua hikmah sabar ko slama nie n now u can create that pure smile on ur faces….thankz to Allah…He wrote ur stories this way, so u learn the from the pain n cherish the moment today as victory….

apa yg berlaku in ur life, no matter in fmily,in relationship, in friendship…all grew u up…it is not for u to put it away but to be keep in ur heart alwayz…so in the future u know whut to be fix, so then ur children will not face the same pain as u did…..itulah hikmah semua nie…n Allah gave u all percubaan itu untuk ko betulkan dlm hidup keluarga ko sdiri…. Beautiful right, how Allah create this life… we will see it if we manage n willing to get know n open our heart to see thru it….

dear dyg, its been a long time tak jumpa ko…n u never know how much i miss u badly hear…. i miss the time to talk to u and u alwayz care to know how i’m doin…. i might less talk to u bout my life coz i dun realy have words on how to explain, but i do love to hear every pieces of ur story…i found it motivate me, when seeing u grew up n stronger it help me to move on this life….i never lie bout this…for whole this life, i adore u so much….

di sini nak ucaplah tahniah to u n him…. for him,thanz for giving that smile to my bestfren face n please make it alwayz that way….dyg is special, u’r lucky to have her, jaga hatinya…..

for dyg, i need not to worry anymore, coz i knew u been take good care by him….

so, u became near to ur beautiful life…jangan sia2 kan k…jaga perhubungan dgn niat yg baik sudah pasti berkesudahan yg baik… dugaan wil came…but it wil go…u just have to play this life in ur best way… n do wish for the best….Allah will alwayz with u….

dear DAYANG NOORASURA,

ini DOA dari seorang Sahabat…

SATU TAHUN LAGI…..

happy new year…..selamat tahun baru….

kita patutnya bersyukur coz d beri satu lagi tahun untuk di hadapi….well all the best for this year n for all the b’coming yearz….

life is hard sometimes(or mayb everytime!)….X kesahlah,if we or i i could handle it in this 23 yearz…there were no reason to not handle it for another more yearz(insyallah selagi masi d beri waktu)…

yeah, i hope thiz year wil full of meaning….

turn left-turn right

Dunia nie ada seribu satu macam manusia… masing2 dengan cara hidup yg berbeza. Manusia selalunya mementingkan diri sendiri lebih dari cuba memahami apa rasa yg terbawa di hati orang lain…

Sebenarnya teda salahnya kalau setiap hati manusia ini cuba sekali sekala merasa apa yg cebisan hati org lain terasa…bila lebih memahami kita memberi ruang di hati kita perihatin pada setiap rasa..

Kita faham makna gembira, kongsi lah rasa itu dengan yg lain

Bila kita faham makna derita, jangan lah berikan rasa itu kepada yg lain

Jangan merasa selamat bila memegang cinta dunia, merasakan semua akan terus menyintai kita. Sampai ketikanya ujian itu akan tiba…

Perhatikan sekeliling kita,  hargai setiap inci manusia yg turut masuk dalam cerita perjalanan hidup kita….. di setiap hati mereka ada doa, ada cinta, yg mengiring langkah kita…

Selalunya kita hanya berterima kasih pada mereka yg mempamerkan rasa cinta yg jelas terlihat di zahirnya…yg nampak berusaha menjadi yg terbaik untuk kita, yg selalu ingin berada di sebelah kita…  ya itulah org yg layak untuk kita berterima kasih dan kita jaga hatinya….

Tapi….mungkin kita tidak terlihat, ada mata yg memandang kita tapi kita tidak terlihat dia… sampai ada kalanya kita lukakan hatinya kerna tidak merasakan dia penting untuk kita…dia tidak terlihat berusaha untuk kita, tidak juga selalu mahu dekat di samping kita…tapi siapa tahu, di hatinya terselit doa untuk kita, di hatinya ada cinta…

So people…turn left-turn right….jagalah hati mereka yg sayang kita… buka mata kita melihat yg terzahir dan lihatlah dengan mata hati kita untuk lebih memahami rasa yg tak terasa…

knock…knock…where is everybody???

knock…knock….knock…knock…. nobody??

i faced a hard tym now, to many..to many problem bound me….at this tym i need support, i need otherz care, i need thoe who understand and heal me from this pain…a simple word such as "hye its gonna be OK" could be enough for me….its feel like i was alone all over myself nowadayz, i got no one i could count on to share this ups n down life…

but i do understand that people would not alwayz ready for us, they got they own trouble to b fix also, so don’t trouble them more…maybe i was wrong that i was too much depending that otherz would be alwayz at my side, but life would not allow that happen, its is more to survive by our own…i try to learn not to cry anymore, big gurl don’t cry….but of course sometimes we could not stop ourself to cry, let it be, but hide it away from otherz eyes…

at this hard tym, i stated to miss the time that i there alwayz be my frenz at my side to be wif me in such a trouble situation…but wake up lah, things would never b the same as alwayz…many things would change n don’t blame that….i learn not to blame situation….

i remember dulu2, my bestfren(still be in my heart 4ever), pye, she is my talking wall, i put my trouble to her, n she did the same…she heal me, n i did the same when the tym she needed…we keep wrinting letter to share stories even kami jumpa tiap2 hari…coz’ only in letter everytin could be tell, i miss that… but it was dulu2, n could not ask for the same anymore, things change, situation change, each of us got our own life to b settle, got own problem to be handle…yes, b4 this i kept wonder, where is she????  but one day i sat alone in my room n thingking all back i found the answer, "she here, with me all over th passes tym, she is in my heart"….

recently i got a simple fight wif my fren BB-suria, its was funny, its been a long tym don’t got such a fight….she is my soulmate, she always be the person that i trust to kept to many secret in life, she is like diary, i never tell her b4, but for whole this tym i called her "my diary"…coz she know a lot about me..n she like the first i will sms to tell the day story… but after the simple fight that i had wif her, i realize that my diary might be full already…i was too much trouble her wif my non stop problem, so now i learn to minimize reporting my daily life to her, she also got life to face on, she also got problem to handle… so my fren, here i want to have ur appologize…sorry ya…

ermmm dya-my b’loved long distance fren, missing u all this while…maybe i less sharing my stories to u, but u know i alwayz be the person that want to know n hear ur stories…i dunno y, i like to here ur story, how u fight for life, how u survive from suffer, u always be the stronger one, i adore that. maybe that is b’coz i lee shere u mine coz i dont one to add u more trouble. but u the gurl that suprise me, u’r full of problem n trouble, but u manage u handle ur life well, u stand on ur foot all over the tym…i never mine to hear stories of u, i was glad everytym u decide to tell me u daily life, for me its motivate me…coz i want to be stronger, just like u…i knew how u a weak inside but u never show to the world…i learn that from u…

how i miss all that….really….but i could not stop things to b change.. not everytin’ gonna be the same everytym we need…but of cause it was really down when there were no person should be count on at the tym we needed…

sometym people might suprise us, they will came when we not expect tem to came….such like recently,i face too many problem that killing me, too much trouble bounding me..but i was decide this tym i don’t want to share this problems, let me handle all my myself, recently i was give up, i use to think that nobody would never care to me anymore, i use to believe no  one would understand, but yesterday i was suprised, the person that i never expect would show some care came n heal me a little bit, for a while i don’t believe it could be, i feel like i was dreaming.. before this i always believe that ‘this person’ gonna be the last that want to know anytin’ about me but suddenly yestrday ‘this person’ came n show some care n a little bit it help to heal the pain that bound me .. … i cry n i smile… bitter sweet…

now i learn to b stronger(i hope, i wish)….yeah sometym its hurt when realize nobody at our own side, but its ok, sometyms sesuatu yg terjangka kan terjadi…

we already reaches the end…

I’m sorry, GOODBYE…

I wonder, would you miss me when I’m gone, when I’m not able to be anywhere for you, sharing stories or keeping you secret as I always did. Will you miss me?/

I miss you…I miss the old you, when u be the person that could bring smile in my face, and sharing stories together. I remember u always be the person that I comfortable when hanging together but today, u always be the last person I want to talk to…because u show the same on me, like I’m the last person u want to see…

If one day u realize that I’m running far from u, and u decide to blame me and let all the burden over me, think it back,…!! Don’t ever try pretending not to realize, for all the things that I did is all because of you!! People got their own limit of patient, and it’s always being our responsibilities to make choice…for me, the best choice is leaving u, staying far from u. I felt that u only using me for

ur

own purpose and

ur

agenda, I’m sorry to feel that way, but u, yourself let me be.

I want to stop hoping that the old person of you would came back…because I knew u totally are different person today…and there is no way to return back time. I was also was the new person today, and this new me was created from the pieces of my broken heart, which most of it came from u…

I decide to let go of you, all the memories of you that killing me most of these time. So let me leave, there is no reason to stay anymore, u don’t need me anymore, or maybe u never ever need me…I wish you in my shoes, so u will feel the pain, I wish u understand but u was the person that will never want to understand, that will never willing to care. Maybe u felt comfortable for the BEAUTIFUL LIFE that you got, the people around u that love u, that care for u.., you would never worry to be alone, because u always know the best time to find others for help, for company, and others would always ready for u in anytime and for everything u wish for, and that also was what I’m doing; for all these time-be here for u. but it seem not good enough for you to notice me, or at least showing some appreciations… -don’t u see, for what I did, and the people around u that care for u, that always be in ur side when u got problem, when u needed support, needed help, all that was came honestly…because of our care, n love. But I found that u don’t much appreciate that, u will came n go… that why I said, u too comfortable with ur life, and believing people will always be here n there for u…but please notice dear, things will not always be the same, someday when people realize ur pattern, u will losing their trust, and somehow they will tend to be far from u, like what I’m doing right now…

I do understand you, maybe I was the person that fully understand u, better that anybody else, better than u, yourself… because I was the one who saw u, from a distance that u never notice me… this is because I do care for u for all these year, and because of love…u make me blind, or choose to be blind, I want be the best for u, so u could see me, I want to do anything for u so u stick with me, I want to show u how much I care, so u appreciate me, but… I was such a dreamer… believing that u will turn to be as I wish u could be, it not happens. I should realize that, or I do realize that from beginning but I the one that refuse to believe and choose to be blind.

You are ‘came n go’ person, u may came with ‘everything’ and leaving me ‘nothing’…so, why do u think I still treat u good even for the bad things u did, even when I already capture ur skills. Person in my position should be very anger of whatever u have made to my life, but I never show. I could blame u for the mess you gave, but I never did.

Don’t u afraid for what I could do?? Don’t u see, I am in dangerous position for u, I got 1001 reason/secret that I kept which can destroy ur BEAUTIFUL LIFE in just a second…if it happen, u may lost everything u own; LOVE, TRUST, LIFE!! …but..…I’m not that bad, maybe Not Yet!!

For whole these while, I just hope that u could see the mess that u bring, and feel sorry for that, with honest. Maybe a simple apologize could heal me a little bit. I wait to see u change, to b better good person, to admit your fault, to be regret for

ur

selfishness. But, u are so ego to admit all those, and that disappointed me and I’m really frustrated…each day, it turn me lost my trust on u…

Yet, still I can’t erase u out of my mind, picture of u and those beautiful and damn memories we had together still bounding me, its like the pieces of puzzle that not stick together anymore but scattering in my head, in my mind, inside my heart…

But dear listen up, I promise u one, I will make distance for both of us. Things will never be the same again….we already reaches the end…

yesterday….owhh yesterday…

Yesterday…

“We are bound for what we said and did yesterday”

In every step we taken make sure it will not regret us in the future. We always face situation that make we in the middle of choices. Sometimes we tend to choose the wrong choices…not b’coz we got no choice, but we choose to be. We might think that was the best at the time, but as the time passes by, it then became something that we wish to erase.

What we said yesterday will keep whispering and the things that we did will keep remaining…

life will not so easy????

“To be forgive and forgot” ???????

Sometimes story of life flow not as we want it to be….life became harder and we don’t know how to react for situations that kill our soul. Sometimes we think that we strong enough to survive, unfortunately we’re dying softly. If killing our own life not commits a sin, sure more people would choose that as the choice to run away from suffering, but most people still believe that would bring to Lord anger, or most people still want to continue breathing to reach their destiny, or maybe there still a lot of people afraid to depart this life…

We don’t know where life brings us, as we the morning clock wakes us up; we knew that we got a day to be face. Every time we hurt, we cry. But, to smile although its pain; brings more misery.

People always said: “Forget the past and continuing life for future”@ “what pass is past”

Is it true? As simple as that?

Well, actually its more than that, the phrase was only to heal soul but the truth is once something awful came to our life it became the story that cannot be erase anymore, it already be there as part of our life. Maybe we decided to forget but it still exists as memories. Time will heal? Yeah…but can’t cross out.

Same to; “To be forgive and forgot”

No way, we will forgive others that brought us in trouble; that brings we suffer; that killed our soul; that created tears in our eyes…..we will forgive…but how to forget???!!

its been too long….

lama tak tulis blog nie….miss this blog … too bz with this empty life…. but i will make came back 4 this blog…. soon….

; )

ruang untuk mati…

KISAH SI BURUNG…

Aku si burung

yang ingin terbang lewati waktu

menikmati tiap hembusan angin yg menerpa di mukaku

merasakan saat itu hingga tiada niat untuk berhenti

tidak tahu di mana kaki ini berpijak

untuk berhenti…

Di mana sayap ini mahu bawa aku pergi?

satu soalan tak terjawab

satu jawaban tak terlihat

satu penantian menyesakan

bagi satu pengakhiran

Tiada yang rasa pedihku

saat terbang dalam ramai aku masih rasa sediri

luasnya dunia dilihat dengan sempitnya hati

terbang aku… seperti mahuku

di setiap ruang inginku

di iring merdunya siulan

lagu bohong ciptaanku

kebebasan terbang ini tiada erti

kalau yang ingin bebas ini sebenarnya ialah hati

mencari ruang yang memberi tenang

terabai indahnya dunia

oleh hati yang sering tidak mengerti

…apa mahunya?

Apa yang di cari oleh sayap yang tidak mahu berhenti?

Mungkin telah lama aku cipta ruang di hati

memandu sayapku untuk tidak berhenti

dan membataskan pencarian mahuku

Mungkin aku si burung…

yang mencipta ruang untuk mati…

?????     ?????     ?????     ?????     ?????     ?????     ?????     ?????

n~Da

hanya bila hati bicara